Washing the shame away…

© Andrè M. Pietroschek, all rights reserved

Tonight was another proverbial milestone in the degeneration of fantasy roleplaying to me. I had searched the Internet for a list of free adventures for some of the systems which kept themselves alive longer than any one hit wonder or fraud scheme.

The Shallowing. Yes, I call it that. The life-lesson repetitiveness of the questions and insights we would have never wasted our youth upon:

  • “Why did the roleplaying scene degenerate into a diseased bunch of drug-crazed, socially semi-dysfunctional idiots?” It did not, it has never been anything but that.

  • “Why does some obvious lunatic or child-molesting pervert get away with milking the big money while I stay lowest on the cash flow?” Does not matter, as I have to work jobs like anybody else, and it will never be me to command the law enforcement on planet Earth either. 😉

  • My favorite: “How could a woman both gorgeous and well-educated allow her false friends to drag her back down into the worst nightmare one can mix from drug abuse, mental disorders, and rolling dice?” Simply because she did. Maybe lack of social skills or lack of vigilance, maybe naivety or dark ambition clouding her judgment.

Lack of care is called quickness these days. Easy to be fast, when 90% of the necessary work have not been done at all. I dislike that. Dishing half-finished computer games as a full product does sell nowadays, too. OK. Writing plagiarized roleplaying adventures without the minimum effort every criminal of my age would have invested to disguise the product and the person as legitimate authorship is SO bygone. Much like the sanity of those fuck-ups. The Unappreciated haunt society.

Wasted chances, my life and my love affairs are one more unwanted lore-book about that, too. Still wasting the chance to attach “Middle Earth Roleplaying (MERP)” or “The one ring RPG” to the movie successes of the Lord of the Rings saga IS a business failure of greater scale. Merely one example.

Learning to let go. I could still throw a decent temper tantrum frenzy at the “Hanged Man” tarot card. Still it did not happen in decades. People have to make their own experiences, including their failures and setbacks. I was told & taught that often enough. Some people wanted to be rid of me, others I had to remove out of my personal life, as whoever or whatever the guilt factor, the relation was too toxic to ever become functional or beneficial again.

Toxic personalities and toxic magick. The first a life lesson bunch found in psychology, if you were too dumb or ignorant to realize it on your own. The latter a form of magick which culminates in sexual sadism, torture, and murder. There are books published about it, some even proudly psychopathic with their chosen titles.

Kinda turning your mental disorder and lack of social skills into an arsenal of weaponry and murder tools. Much like dangerous stalkers and fans of “invisible crimes or no-touch torture”. Picturesque summary:

OrganizedStalking

Age 45 now. I never thought it would be such a long ordeal. Several options came close to forcing myself into “Death is only the beginning” kinda morgue pilgrimage.

I once claimed that writing, among others, can be a form of emotional exorcism. I can’t verify it worked on this text, as I find it completely superfluous and a waste of my time and effort. Still I could be wrong, or some lonely widow kickstarters money and gifts me a charity part… Sounds more like a fever dream or wishful thinking, as said, I didn’t do minimum wage jobs for fun alone, I did it, as all of us have to stand up and rebuild their life.

Maybe I write another micro-poem now. I clearly found no enticing or inspiring last comment to spice-up this little note.

Thanks for your time!

Rage, an Iteki-Freestyle-Myku-Haiku
© Andrè M. Pietroschek, all rights reserved

Today I felt rage
arising from capitalism’s price.
Pollution devours us.

https://pietroschekblog.wordpress.com

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